It makes me happy to hear that you are upset. It means that I actually meant something to you at one point in time. It would hurt way more if you were okay. Hearing you cry confirmed to me that you did love me. It means that I wasn't delusional. I wasn't wasting my time.

I'm happy that you can't look at my picture because it means that you feel guilty. You can't look at my smiling face, knowing that I'm probably crawled up in a ball, all alone, crying so hard I can't breath. Have you ever cried so hard you threw up.. That was a new experience.

I'm happy knowing that you see me in your house because you recognize the effort and love I put into it for you. It means that you will think about me from time to time and maybe smile. It means you won't forget about me. And if you don't forget about me, then you won't make this mistake ever again.

A friend said it perfectly tonight. "Kelly, you know I love you. You are allowed to be upset, in fact, I would be worried if you weren't upset. But you did everything you could to make it work. A relationship takes two people working together to stay together. If one person pulls away, it all falls down. You did what you had to do to keep it together, but you don't have control over his actions. You were a great girlfriend and any man will be happy to have you in their life."

I'm sad that Tom and Kelly have come to an end. But I'm smiling because of all the great times. I'm smiling because I have grown up so much in the past two years. I graduated University, I got accepted and excelled in my post graduate. I got an internship. I've completed my internship and was given an excellent review - the highest she has ever given an intern. I've bought a car. I've lived on my own for the first time in an unfamiliar city, I've taken some chances. But most of all, I allowed myself to fall in love again. And what an amazing feeling that was. I am so proud of myself, and that is something that nobody can take away from me.

Yes, I may be extremely emotionally volatile right now, but that is okay. I put myself out there and that was the chance I took when I became his girlfriend. Nobody can blame me for what I have been through. These past two years have been some of the happiest and the saddest times in my entire life. Right now, I'm trying to focus on the happy times so I remember how much I have changed in such a short period of time. I'm sitting here smiling with tears running down my cheeks. I just wish you loved me half as much as I loved you. Everything would have been different.

I don't know if he will read this anymore, so I'm writing this for me. I want to remember how sensitive I was at one point before my heart turns into steel. I feel sorry for my next man. I have MAJOR trust issues now. If you thought it was bad before... well it's a hell of a lot worse now. But hopefully my $150 an hour shrink will help me deal with that. Fingers crossed that this next chapter in my life will be full of self discovery, self love and maybe a great date or two!