I love writing.

I'm not that great at it, but I love it. I love going back through my old blogs and remembering things I had forgotten. I love reliving those moments, happy and painful because it reminds me of everything I have gone through and that I am a stronger person for it.

It is in these stories that I am 100% honest. I write what I am thinking, feeling and questioning. Everything that is jumbled up in my head I write about to try and make sense of it.

Sometimes I write because I know others are reading, sometimes I write just for me. This post is for one special person.

I want to know how long I can go without talking to you. Yes, I thinking about you constantly and sitting down at my desk today and seeing your picture caught me off guard. This is a new feeling for me. One that I haven't had in 6 years. Being alone, and being unsure.

I think I deserve some answers. After everything we've been through, we deserve to be honest with each other at least once. It might hurt, but love comes with pain, and happiness comes with saddness.

Was there anybody else? I feel like there was, and that feeling hasn't gone away.
Why did you treat me like a secondary part of your life?
Are you really trying to make yourself better? Or is this just an easy way out?
Were you just using me?
Do you want to be with me?
Should I hold out hope that we may work out in the future, or should I shut that door?
Will I ever see you again?

I'm finding it very hard to believe that you want to do this to work on yourself. You are a very selfish person and excuses like this, in the past, have been a cover-up of something else. It's not that I don't believe you, but my instinct is telling me to question it based on your past actions.

I am begging you for the 100% honest answers. Please do not tailor the answer for me, just give it to me straight. It might hurt, but it might be the push I need to move on. Right now I'm stuck in limbo and I need a push in one direction or another. Please...