Our lives don't mesh. He likes to stay up late, I go to bed early. I like peace and quiet, his house is always busy and loud. I like order and planning, he goes where the wind blows him. I like to cook dinner and make my lunch every day for work, he never has food in the house.

If I move in with him, I'll have to bend to the way he lives his life because he would be my landlord, its his house, his rules. He could throw me out at any moment for no reason because he can.

I can just see me coming home from work, a house full of guys in the living room. All I'll be able to say is hello, take my dog for a walk, make dinner and go to bed. That Hello will be the extent of our conversations. We talk more now when we're apart than I can see us doing if we lived together. I would get up before him, probably be out the door before he wakes up. Yes we'll see each other all the time, but we'll grow apart very quickly.

The guys girlfriends will think I'm snobby or rude because they don't work the same hours I do and when they are just getting their day started, I'll be winding mine down and going to bed.

I don't think he's ready to give up some things that he does that would make me more comfortable if we were to live together. And I think he would resent me if that situation happened.

He always says he likes his things around him, so I wonder how he would react with my things around him as well. I'm a smart girl. How could I justify getting rid of my things to move in with somebody who has the power to kick me out at any minute?

Am I always going to wonder 'what if?'

I miss her. I'm sad that she'll never see the person she helped me be.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my wedding day. Not that I want to be married right now, but talking with my friends who are planning their wedding I've realized how much I already know about my wedding day. I know what I like, what I want to see and who I want there. I know that I'm going to cry all day - that's just a given. But I think I'm going to sad just as much as I am happy. I just see these memories, but they aren't memories. Like I've already lived through it but it hasn't happened yet. I just see my cousin Rebecca hugging me and crying and me breaking down saying that I wish Nannie was here. And I can see Rebecca crying with me and telling me how proud Nan is of me and telling me everything I would want to hear from her.

I know I'm going to cry during the father-daughter dance because I know my Dad is going to cry and tell me how much he loves me and is proud of me. And I know that is probably the last time I'll ever hear that. And I'll cry because I know he doesn't mean it. And I'll cry because that breaks my heart.

I'll cry because somebody else's family is going to welcome me with open arms and I just can't wait to hear my future parents-in-law's speech. I want them to talk about the first time they met me, and how happy they am that their son chose me and I want them to talk about our happy future together. And while they are talking I want my husband to squeeze my hand and smile at me and laugh at me as I cry. And I want him to hug me and tell me he loves me.

I know I want flowers everywhere. And candles too. I want an open bar. I want to be by water. I want beautiful pictures in the sunset. And I want somebody who loves me for me and who wants a future with me.

And I want my Nannie to be with me that day. I want her to show me that she is watching and I want to know that she loves me. But what if she was with me on that day? What would she say to me? What would she say to me now? Would she be proud of me? Would she take me shopping? Would she be that person I told everything to again?

I think what I miss most was the locked vault. I told her everything and never worried about her judging me. And I miss that escape. I wish I could just get everything out of my head and trust one person to keep my secrets.

I love ya Nan. Always have and always will.

Dear Tamara,

I appreciate your constructive criticism and your willingness to point out my flaws and where I can improve, however, I would appreciate it if, in the future, you could provide me with those criticism's in private.

I believe that I am a good, hardworking employee. I have been an asset to your team and I don't believe that you see that. I have provided critical support to the other team members and I have produced many valuable pieces of literature that has gone to print and has been met with nothing but praise from other members of the executive team. I've also increased your social media presence 400% in a short three months, which is impressive considering what your team was able to do in the prior 11 months. I've taken on extra responsibilities from my fellow co-workers in order to lighten their load. I've done so much overtime that I've banked two full days extra of vacation time. By these standards, it appears that I am a very helpful and dedicated employee.

I realize your boss gave you a hard time today because of an assignment you gave me, and I realize that maybe I could have done more on that e-blast, but as a new employee, it is very difficult to understand the nuances and inner workings of different departments. It is also very difficult to write about something that I knew nothing about and with no support, I had to do a lot of the research myself. I apologize if I did not get everything exactly correct as you would have, but that is the reason why I sent you those countless e-mails and tracked you down to ask questions. Unfortunately you were too busy to answer any of my e-mails and always brushed me aside and never answered my questions. So I was left to my own devices, which apparently don't measure up to your expectations.

I felt that, although I do not know everything there is to know about this company, any of my wording choices or information included would be corrected in the rigorous editing process I requested. As you can tell, I was not confident in my work or else I would have never e-mailed you many times asking for clarification and I wouldn't have asked four people to edit it before it came to you.

Maybe it's my fault for assuming that my co-workers would do their job. I guess that is my fault. But above all, when it finally made its way to you, I figured that as the VP of Brand Management, you would have an understanding of the type of image you want to project. And seeing that you are constantly in meetings with other members of the senior management team which is why you couldn't answer my e-mails or meet with me in the first place, I just assumed you knew what was going on in the other departments. My bad.

All this considered, you OK'ed this e-blast and asked for it to be sent to the CEO for final approval. For something "so shitty" as you put it, why would you put your final approval on it?

For your information, all of those "mistakes" and "errors" were done by the rest of your team - including yourself. It is very unfair to place the blame squarely on my shoulders when I asked for help and was ignored. It is not my fault that you approved something that was not up to the company's standards. We are supposed to be a team. That means when one person doesn't have the skills of knowledge, the other team members pick up the slack. I guess it was my fault for believing my co-workers when they made changes to my work. So while I accept my part in this problem, I believe you should acknowledge your part in this as well.

All this said, I do appreciate your constructive criticism, but next time, can you please approach me in private. I am working too hard at gaining respect in the office since I am the new kid, and you embarrassed me immensely. I have defiantly lost credibility with my co-workers, except for the few who sent me a private message telling me that it was OK and that you were out of line. As a team leader, you should be very concerned with team moral and right now, you are bringing down your team. I know for a fact that I am not the only one who has lost faith in this company and I believe that very soon you will find yourself short a couple of your key employees, and where will that lead you? If you are too busy to have a conversation about content, and your content writer leaves, who will write the content for you?

Yes I'm the new kid on the block, but you need me. You don't see what I have done and what I can do. You just see your mistake and you blamed it on me. I'll show you what I can do, and you will regret your decision to take your frustrations out on me when you are left alone.

With respect,

Kelly

I can't believe how much I hate him. And I can't believe how different my life would be if he wasn't in my life. And I can't see a future without him. But I hate him so much. I hate what he stands for, his beliefs, values and manners.

But I can't see major milestones in my life without him there. I want him to walk me down the isle when I get married, I want to see him fall asleep on the couch holding his first grandchild.

I want him to tell me he's proud of me and he loves me. But he never does. He gave me a rose for Valentines day because if he didn't, he would have looked like an ass hole because he's done it for so long. It didn't mean anything to me because I knew it was faked love.

I know I wouldn't be as successful as I am today because the only reason I pushed myself so hard was to impress him or to get him to notice me. I just wanted to hear "I'm proud of you" and it's never come.

I wonder if my Mom ever regretted choosing him to be the father of her children. How can you tell if somebody would make a good father? I've seen some guys be great to their girlfriends then leave the moment things get tough when their child is born. I've also seen shady guys become great parents. So what is it? Have a guy that treats you like shit so that he treats your kids good, or have a guy that treats you great and leaves you a single mother? I don't know.

How can one man change the life of one person so much. Maybe I am searching for something he was lacking in my relationships. Or maybe I'm searching for somebody who treats me exactly the same what he did.

And maybe that's why I can't say goodbye. I'm used to the abuse. I don't think I deserve to be treated better. That's what my psychologist said. I am currently searching for a man who treats me like my Dad does because that's all I know. But knowing how miserable I am with my relationship with my Dad, that means I am just bound to be unhappy in any relationship I choose. I'm destined to be upset until I change my way of thinking.

Here we go Kelly. You deserve to have a man who loves you, faults and all. You deserve a man who respects you. You deserve a man who is honest, loving and faithful to you. You deserve a man who can communicate with you. You deserve a man who is not the same as your Father. You deserve a real man, not a man who can't measure up to the person he's projected himself to be.