"What Hurts The Most"

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been

And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to

-Rascal Flatts

The heavy feeling in my chest hasn't left. I thought that if I forgot about you for a little while, it would get better. But as I lay still in my bed at night, I feel like I am being crushed. I can't breath, I can't sleep, and I can't stop crying.

You know what you've done to me. And I know you are sorry. I know you didn't want to hurt me and I know you still care for me. That is why it makes it so hard to not be with you.

Everybody says you are an asshole until I explain the situation. Every time without fail I get the "ohhh" face and the pouty look that says, you found a nice guy, and you let him get away.

I feel like I did something to push you away, when in fact, I have been pushing you away for the past 2 years. The past couple months I have realized that if I lost you, it would be the worst thing to happen to me. I started to pay attention to you, to try to show you I care. But it was thrown back into my face. You let yourself go, right when I was in too deep.

I don't know what to do, I don't know how to feel. My stomach turns when I think of you. I just wish you would show up and say that you made a mistake. Then give me a hug and pick me up and tell me I'm the one. I dream about that moment. This is unhealthy.

I just wish, for once, that my dreams would come true.

As the big fat tears come streaming down my face, I can't help but place a meaning on each one. One tear for the first time we held hands, one tear for the giant bear hug I got every time I saw you, one tear for the last time we kissed. I'm overwhelmed by emotions, not because of what you said, but because of my past. Here I am, alone again.

Having invested everything into you, my willingness to change my life for you, to be destroyed with 4 little simple words. 4 words I hear every day, but put together create a life altering experience. I-still-love-her. 4 simple simple words that change my being.

I let myself get in too deep again. I jumped in with two feet to only find myself drowning in my own tears- again. I didn't learn the first time. I should have learned.
I shouldn't have let you be that person for me. I am strong, and independent. Why am I crumbling and depending on you?

I don't want to move on. I want to find me amongst the ashes of my life.
I just want to stand still.

Just like word vomit, it comes spewing out of my mouth.
"I miss you, I love you."
Except you aren't around to hear it.
I told you years ago not to fall in love with me. I was building up a wall around me, to protect me from getting hurt again.
Sometimes I feel that as soon as a put a brick in place, you take it away. I am left in a perpetual state of the unknown.
Sometimes I feel that you help me put the brick up, unsure of yourself.

Just pick a side! Make a decision so I can!
I want to leave it up to you, just incase I'm wrong.
You like to feel like the man. Dominating in every aspect of the word.
Is this for real? Or still a silly highschool game?
Give me direction!