I've been conflicted lately. I'm trying to remain truthful to myself while figuring out what I really want. I feel an overwhelming urge to write it all out and hopefully make some send of the pieces I throw out there.

I feel that I need to write about something I've come to find as extremely important in anybody's life. Something that I recently did not think about until it was thrown in my face: Respect.

There is a serious lack of respect evident in today's society. Lack of respect for others, and especially lack of respect for oneself.

Cheating- The ultimate showing of no respect. In January 2008 I chose to respect somebody, before they chose to respect me. I chose to negate all of my former conquests or "special friends" or whatever you want to call them. I chose to limit contact with some people I talked to on a daily basis. I chose to ignore late night texts and knocks on my door. I chose to respect somebody.

I got to the point where I was older, I was facing major life changes and I wanted somebody alongside me to hold my hand, and rub my back and pick me up when I fell down. I wanted somebody in my corner, cheering for me the entire way. I wanted somebody to share my life with- every aspect of it. I thought I had found that person and I was willing to let everything go to show this person that I was there for them in the same way I wanted them to be there for me.

I think, once you chose to open yourself up to Love, then you should respect the boundaries put in place. If you chose to commit to somebody, body mind and spirit, then that commitment should be honoured until the MUTUAL decision is made to break the bond. This is really the only way to be happy in a relationship. Mutual respect. It is not a game of "lets see how many other people I can talk to and fuck before she notices." That's not a fun game. That's an extremely hurtful and degrading game.

Cheating shows a lack of security, a lack of respect and immaturity. It screams "I'm going to do what I want regardless of what I've promised to you." It's the ultimate act of selfishness. To all those cheaters: every kiss on his or her skin, is a kiss good-bye to your happiness with the person YOU chose to be in a relationship with. Every touch, hug or caress is a wave good-bye to your partner that you committed yourself to. And those 5 minutes of pleasure you received will be reversed and multiply by 100 when your significant other finds out about your infidelity.

So, is it worth it? I don't think so. The guilt itself is enough to drive a sane person crazy. Let alone admitting any wrong doing to the person you love the most and watching the pain shoot across their face and seeing their instincts take over as they crawl into a ball to protect their heart. To see the tears streak down their face at the realization that you touched her the same way you touched me. And that obviously our relationship didn't mean as much to you as it did to me.

The 5 minutes of pleasure, the 48 hours of her in your house and in your bed. The multiple messages on MSN and facebook and text. The year of deception. Was it worth it? Not to me. But that's up to you to decide. Unfortunately you didn't think about me when you made that decision. You didn't think about how every thrust is like a stab in my heart, every word rips my world a part. You only thought about yourself- your pleasure, your moment with her, the sense of being wanted with every woman who responded "yes" when you asked to fuck. Not your pleasure or moments with me, not me saying yes, you have me 100%, body mind and spirit.

Unfortunately it takes an experience like this to create a shield over my heart. And believe me, it's a strong shield. An unnecessary shield. If you were just honest, straightforward, and a good person, then the pain I've been suffering for the past year and 3 months would have never occurred. And maybe I could be happy again.

Respect. Most important for happiness.

Finally! Somebody makes sense of nonsense!!!

What You Say, What She Hears

"Your friend is really nice."
What she hears: "I'm interested in her, and I'm wondering if she'd sleep with me."
Why she hears it: Men aren't known for random compliments, so she might be jealous of the attention you're suddenly giving to her friend.
What you should have said: If you are going to compliment her female friends, be specific (reference a particular conversation you had) and try to qualify your statements (read: she seemed nice enough) to avoid looking like you're interested.

"He's whipped!"
What she hears: "I've lost another friend to the relationship curse; women really know how to shut a guy down, but I vow never to give up my independence like that."
Why she hears it: If you mention your friend has changed since getting into a relationship -- and not for the better, according to you -- she'll assume that you feel relationships are negative and that you don't want to be in one.
What you should have said: If a relationship really has changed a friend, be careful to note whether the change is because of her (such as demanding hourly check-ins and regular gifts) or because of him (read: he's so crazy about her he blows off poker night to spend time with her). It really makes a difference.

"I'm really busy."
What she hears: "I'm really too busy… For you."
Why she hears it: Women hear this and will immediately notice that you still have time for basketball with the guys, golf on Sundays and plenty of other non-vital activities, which leads her to believe that your lack of time is only related to her.
What you should have said: If you aren't saying this as an precursor to a breakup, you need to make sure that your girlfriend isn't left feeling like she's getting the scraps of your spare time. Make dates with her in advance when you can, and make sure you keep them.

"Who's that guy?"
What she hears: "Has he ever seen you naked?"
Why she hears it: Questions like this often feel territorial; she may feel like you've already made up your mind regardless of her actual response, and she could object to your possessive insinuation. Not every man she speaks to has slept with her, or wants to sleep with her, regardless of what you might think.
What you should have said: Don't mention her male friends and acquaintances first. Wait until she brings them up and fills you in on the details. If you run into another guy on the street with her, and she doesn't introduce you, then you should feel free to seek out the particulars.

"I'm just going out with the guys."
What she hears: "We are going to see strippers and I will likely be talking to the guys about our relationship."
Why she hears it: Just as men like to believe that when women get together it always ends in underwear and pillow fights, women assume that men-only nights will involve nudity and girlfriend trashing.
What you should have said: Even though it feels like checking in, let her know where you're really going and don't divulge any of the things said on your night out; if you relay info about a pal's woman, she'll wonder what you say about her when she's not around. Just be honest with her, but don't feel like you're checking in with mom either.

"She's just a friend!"
What she hears: "She won't sleep with me…Yet."
Why she hears it: A lot of women don't believe that men and women can be platonic in a long-term "friendship," and feel that no man would strike up a new friendship with a woman unless he is attracted to her.
What you should have said: If she really is just a friend, introduce her to your girlfriend!!!!!!!!!! This will let your woman see that you've set boundaries by announcing your relationship status, and she'll feel better having met the woman who spends time alone with her man.

"Your smile is so gorgeous." (Or another unsolicited compliment)
What she hears: "I feel guilty about something and I am trying to distract you."
Why she hears it: After the initial stages of dating, compliments tend to dwindle; out-of-the-blue comments are going to have her wondering what you are trying to make up for. And if you're not the kind of guy to throw around "I love yous" and flattering comments, don't start suddenly or she'll be wary of your intentions.
What you should have said: Either compliment her consistently to avoid looking suspicious or talk to her about the real problem you were hoping to avoid -- you know she'll find out eventually anyway.

"This reminds me of my mom's [food/object]."
What she hears: "I am comparing you to my mother, as I always do."
Why she hears it: Women are naturally competitive in a lot of areas, and pleasing you is probably one of them. Unfortunately, she knows she can't compete with the woman who raised you, and by constantly bringing up the fact that you're comparing her to your mother will only make the situation worse.
What you should have said: No one will advise you to stop talking about your mother, but be sure to avoid comparing her to your girlfriend -- at all costs.

"Just phoning to say hi."
What she hears: "I'm checking up on you."
Why she hears it: For her entire life, she's probably felt that getting a man to call is like pulling teeth. So, for you to randomly call without a specific intent will have her thinking that a checkup is the only possible explanation.
What you should have said: Always have a reason for calling. Even if it's something small and pointless, having a point to the conversation helps diffuse the checkup vibe -- even if that really was your intention.

"I love spending time with you."
What she hears: "I'm not ready to say I love you."
Why she hears it: Because you aren't assigning your love to her in particular, but rather something about her or your relationship, she'll get the impression that you are avoiding taking the plunge. Try not to use the word "love" to describe something in your relationship unless it's followed by "I" and ends with "you."
What you should have said: Never tell her you love her if you don't actually mean it, but don't overuse this type of phrase or you'll come off sounding insincere or commitment phobic.

"It's just going to be family."
What she hears: "I don't consider you part of my family."
Why she hears it: Women are more likely than men to include close friends and partners in their definition of family. By not asking her along to family events, she doesn't feel important or permanent in your life. She wants to feel like she's a part of every aspect of your life, and your family is a major part of who you are. By excluding her she'll feel like you're pushing her aside.
What you should have said: Invite her when the situation calls for it, or don't mention that you'll be going without her. If it's really a case of you not wanting her there because you'd rather she didn't see your family drama firsthand, rather than being embarrassed by your choice of woman, let her know. At least make the effort to invite her along, regardless, so she can make her own decision about attending your family gathering.

"It got late, so I didn't call."
What she hears: "By the time I remembered..."
Why she hears it: Even though you think mentioning that you didn't want to wake her by calling late is a good thing, it just lets her know that there was a huge expanse of time where she was the last thing on your mind. She wants to know that she's the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing you think about at night before you drift off to sleep. She may also interpret your missed call as too much distraction on your end, at the end of the night… like having another woman in your bed.

"I think [female celeb] is gorgeous."
What she hears: "That is my standard..."
Why she hears it: Women often develop and stick with a certain "type," and assume that men are the same. If you find a thin blond attractive, she's going to find it difficult to believe you could have the same attraction for a curvaceous brunette.
What you should have said: If you feel the need to point it out, either compliment all types of women that represent more than one type of beauty or pick out ones that have similar characteristics as your girlfriend. Saying you like Kate Beckinsale's eyes because they look a lot like hers is sure to make her swoon and give you free reign to ogle Katie.