What do the TV shows, Pregnant at 16 and the Bachelorette have in common?



Yes, I am watching them at the same time. And yes, that will never be me. Thankfully, I made it out of my teenage years baby-free. Unlike some of the girls I grew up with, I was lucky- not smart, but lucky. It could have easily been me. Imagine what my life would be like if I was pregnant at 16, 17, 23...? I'd have to move home. I couldn't support myself. I would never have been able to rely or depend on any guy I've dated to take care of me or a child. Wow... living at home.. with my parents.. and a crying child. If I had got pregnant at 16, I would have a six year old right now. Wow..



Hopefully I'll find the person I want to spend my life with before I'm in my 30's and won't have to rely on a show like the Bachelorette to find Love.



I spent yesterday afternoon catching up with some girls I had met years ago. They are Angela's friends, but I've met them through my crazy party days. I was ambushed. The question of the hour was.... How did you find out? How did you find out that our friend was in a relationship with your boyfriend? How did you feel? What did you do? How are you now?



I spent hours fielding questions from three very curious girls wanting to know every inch of the worst moments of my life. I wonder if they will now go to Jenn and tell her how she destroyed my life. I wonder if they will tell her all the pain I'm still suffering through, and I wonder if she will feel better because of it. Lucky her.. she got out before she was in too deep.



I'm trying to put that whole situation behind me. I feel like I know two different people. The person he is with me, and the person who has hurt me. I can't wrap my head around the fact that somebody I love so much and somebody who treats me so good, can easily hurt me so much. It's like, is he even real? What is the real him- because you can't be both. You can't be sweet, loving and caring AND mean, selfish and manipulative. So which one is it? If I knew, this whole process might be a bit easier for me.



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You told me you don't want to speak to me by text unless it is important. And you've proven that you don't want to speak to me on the phone unless we are fighting. Skype has been out of the question for months. So all we have left is e-mails. And that is usually for making arrangements or discussing decorations for his house. So thats what our relationship has come to.. a business relationship. No passion, no caring. During the week anyways.



But maybe this is a good thing. If I'm not talking to him during the week, maybe I'll stop thinking about him all the time. And if he just fades into the background, then maybe I'll know if he's really what I want. Right now, it's all I have. And it has become routine. Maybe I need to break that routine to figure my head out.