The memories will stay with me forever. They will fade, and one day you will become a great love story I tell my children.

I can't sit here and pretend like I'm not falling apart. I'm ripping at the seams. But I know that I have to do this in order to be put together again. Our conversations keep playing in my head like an old record. Flashes of being happy invade my thoughts and make the tears come faster.

He wasn't the person I thought he was. For a short time, he was that person. But I could see it on his face that he was unhappy. I could always tell when something was going wrong in his life because he would try to push me away. Every time he stopped going to classes, stopped writing tests or had been with another girls, he would become a recluse and shut himself off. I would get angry and demand to know why. It would always start a fight, and always end in a break up.

The constant up and downs of his mood affected me. When we met, I had just finished a battle with depression. I was changing my life. Trying to be a happier person because I wanted to be happy again. I tried to fake it until I made it. And it worked. I attracted many people to me through my happiness and then I genually became happy again.

Am I controlling? Yes. Why? Because thats the only way I know to get the truth.

I used to be laid back and hope that was enough. Every guy wants a laid back girlfriend that rolls with the punches. My problem was that I chose the guys who had no problem cheating on their laid back girlfriends. Having my heart broken three times over cheating boyfriends turned me into the opposite. Controlling. How can he cheat on me if I know everything? How can he lie to me if he knows I'm watching?

Well I guess that backfired.

Now my question.... where can I find a genuine man, who does not cheat, and does not lie, and has the patience to help me understand that he's different? Sounds like a lot to ask for.

Maybe one day all of my love stories will end when the story becomes a reality. Until that day.. I'll try to put the pieces together again.