I need to be mad at all of you for a little while.



I need to yell and scream and cry and get out every negative thought that has been bundled up inside me for the past 9 years.




They all cheated:
Nav - ex gf

Nick - best friend for our entire relationship

Rod - my friend

Matt - Random girl from the bar

Eric - ex gf

Dave - ex gf

Tom - ex gf's best friend among other things.



Every single one of them.



It is very unfortunate that men feel the need to cheat. I've heard that once they fall in love, the need goes away. But us females, we need to work through the cheating and the lies in order to get to the love. It's a catch 22.



I need to make you love me so you will stop cheating on me. I find out you cheat and it rips me up inside. But I still need to make you love me so I move on more quickly than I should have. And now look where I'm at. Single, alone, miserable.



If I had said, Fuck You when I heard her name, and taken my time to deal with it last March, then I would be 100% fine right now. I would probably have another boyfriend who lives in Toronto and be living a happy life. I wouldn't have all these negative memories and I wouldn't be aware that a man can be so cruel. I wouldn't know what Plenty of Fish is, I wouldn't know how easily facebook chat can turn into a porn site. I wouldn't know half of the ways men cheat. Instead, I chose to wave it off and bottle it in.



Looking at that list above, I see a trend. It is obvious that ex gf's cannot be trusted. They pull on the heartstrings and remind the men of all of the great times they had together. It's not cheating if you already slept together, right? WRONG.



So, what have I learned in this post? I'm choosing the wrong men. If each and every one of them can so freely sleep with, and have a relationship with other women, then they are so wrong for me.



From this point forward, my man must:

-Treat me with respect, which includes staying away from situations where they might be tempted to cheat.

- Be honest with me. Tell me what is going on in their lives and leave no room for suspicion. Tell me if a situation happened that I might find out about and tell me your side first, before I find out somebody else's side. Nobody is perfect- but it is communication that saves relationships.

- Live close to me. I'm not doing the long distance thing. It's too stressful and I miss out of every day relationship stuff. A relationship is so different when you can have dinner together and talk about your day, and then each go on your way to hang out with friends or get a good nights sleep opposed to being by yourself and hoping for a text message here or there, or if you're lucky, a phone call.

- Love my dog. He should want to take her for a walk or watch her for a night. She's as much a part of me as I am.

- Love my family. He should want to spend time with them. And in turn, my family should love him.

- Be close to his parents. You can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats his mother. If he shows her respect, honestly and loyalty, then he's going to show that to me as well.

- Have goals. He should be going somewhere with his life. He should know where he wants to be in 5, 10, 15 years and should have a plan on how to get there.

- Love my neurotic friends. They love me, and that's all that matters.

- Be supportive of me, and be interested in my career.

I'm making changes in my life. And although I feel like a small child all alone, every moment I can feel me getting stronger. It's the 10 pounds and the 16 inches I've lost in the past two weeks. It's applying for jobs every day. It's being strong enough to say no, not any more.

None of you can hurt me anymore. I've said enough. And to my next boyfriend: Please don't underestimate me. I will not- WILL NOT- deal with cheating, lying or disrespect. I will walk away from you and not look back. I've been burned seven times. I think that's enough for one life time.