I don't understand why I do this to myself. He is bad for me. He is bad for every woman out there. He doesn't respect me or my body, he claims to love me when everybody knows that is not true, he is just everything wrong.

But I can't stop thinking about how good it feels to be with him. I must be crazy. Kelly what the hell are you doing. No matter what I do, my mind always goes back to that place...

I can't believe today's exposures. I can't believe his stupidity. I told him at 9 a.m. I would know... I told him cancer doesn't get prescriptions... I told him he had one last chance to tell me the truth. I told him all of that. He still said, Kelly I promise, it was you and only you. Fucking lying sack of shit.

Think about this for a minute... I wonder how his sister would respond to him knowing what he has just done to me.. and knowing that her husband just left her. I wonder what she would tell him. He had it all and he didn't even know it. But maybe he is addicted to the drama. He said he wanted to tell me when I was happy and with him. WHY???? So that he could watch me cry? So that I could tell him to his face how much I hated him?? SERIOUSLY???? What the fuck is wrong with people!

He said he wanted to spend more time with me but knew it would come to an end. Then why drag it out? Do you not care about me and my feelings at all? Do you not see the psychological damage you have caused me already? Do you WANT to put me in the loony bin? Maybe that's why Jessica went. It all makes sense now.