Our conversation keeps running through my head... "I don't know how to act in a relationship" "I love you, I'm sorry" "Please Kelly, I love you."

I have no ill will towards you. The hatred is gone. I just feel empty and on the verge of tears at every moment. The question on my mind is... should I give it one more shot? I've put so much time and effort into "us" and I've told you how I want to be treated. I hung in there through everything. I'm not mad you slept with her. You had every right to. I was upset you lied to me about it when I was so upset to begin with. I'm mad that you couldn't respect me enough to say, listen, I slept with somebody else when I thought you were never going to speak to me again. I think I should get tested before we sleep together. Or maybe we should use a condom just in case. You were doing so well these past two weeks, with two exceptions that I don't have to say. I actually felt like you wanted to be with me, and you would do anything to be with me. I've never felt more wanted by you- ever.

BUT... what if this is just a reality for you for the rest of your life? You are just programmed to lie, cheat, steal, whatever. What if that is in your genetic make-up and something that you cannot change in yourself.

I'd be willing to give it another shot if I knew for sure that you would never make me feel this way again. If you never lied to me about big things (work, school, other women, your parents/family, where you are - if I asked of course, your love for me.) If I knew that you were 1,000,000% in this with me, to have me as your partner in crime so to speak. To have me as your lobster. I would take you back in an instant. But I don't know that. And you won't show me that.

You said yesterday that you don't know how to act in a relationship. From my experiences with you, this is what you do and what you need to do to keep your partner happy. Please read these. I am not being malicious, I am simply trying to help you out in the event that you find yourself in another relationship. Hopefully this helps.

What you do:

• You open doors for me, or if you don't, you always put your hand on my lower back to help me through the door. This shows that you cared about me and it shows respect. The touch is also nice.
• You let me, be me. You laughed with me not at me when I made a mistake or when I was singing in the car. You always turned on a song that I knew when we were driving in your car. You took me to the farmers market when I wanted to go and you humoured me when I wanted to see the cows.
• You randomly held my hand when we were driving.
• You layed with me when I needed to be held. You let me cry on your shoulder when I needed it.
• You looked at my work when I needed a second set of eyes.
• You loved my dog.
• You showered with me.
• Once you introduced me to your family, you made an effort to invite me to dinners, bbq's etc.
• When I asked, you had a date night with me.
• You had fun with me.

What you need to do:

• Be more open. Talk to your girl on a daily basis. In person is always best, but if you do find somebody who lives further away, like I did, then call her, or use Skype.
• Communication is the key. Make her feel like she is a part (and important part!!!) of your life. For example, you should have told me Adam left Julie the day you found out. Not two days later in casual conversation. You know how you talk to Alex and tell him the big things first? That's how you should talk to your girlfriend. Tell her the big things first. Even if they don't apply to her. It will make her feel connected to your life, and thus, connected to you.
• Plan a date night all by yourself. It doesn't have to be big, a movie works just fine. It means a lot to know that you cleared your schedule because you wanted to take me out. No friends, no family, just us.
• Treat her the way you want to be treated. If you want to be cheated on, lied to and left broken hearted, then go ahead and do those things to your girl. If you want to be loved, happy and secure, then make your girl feel that way.
• It's all about communication.
• Stop hiding things. I understand you like to keep some things to yourself, but it only hurt our bond in the end. Keep things to yourself that she would have no way of finding out about, OR being upset about if she did find out. Example: keep what you had for dinner to yourself. Tell her you failed a test. See the difference?
• I know you have your pride, but to quote Fabolous "It's okay to lose your pride over someone you love. Don't lose someone you love though over your pride. Stick wit'cha entree and get over your side" - Baby don't Go.
• Everybody makes mistakes. But be honest about them. By admitting your mistakes, the trust between you two will be stronger. Yes, you may fight. But just think of the make-up sex. If you are honest, you can't go wrong. There is no need to make a bad situation worse by lying about it. It is like a double whammy for your girl.
• I know all of your friends sleep around, but follow your heart. If you love somebody, don't sleep with anybody else until that love is gone. It isn't fair to you, the person you are sleeping with or the person you love. Just in case that person comes back to you and gives you another chance. You don't want to give them any reason to leave you again.

I hope this helped maybe a little bit. I know it helped me to get it all out.

I guess the new chapter has officially begun. Up next for me... landing a job and getting my own place.