Everybody seems to be happy. Content with their lives. Most importantly, they seem to be content with somebody else sharing their lives. I feel behind the pack. At one point I was happy, I was so sure of myself and of him. I knew that it was only a matter of time before he grew up and realized that he never wanted to let me go.

Little did I know, my friends would surpass me in the romantic department. Like a silent race to see who could get who to commit first. I'm sad to say, but I've 100%, hands down, lost that race. Once I was in first place. The envy in my friends faces was enjoyable to me. Their comments about him made me smile.

Now I'm faced with phone calls from ecstatic friends who want to share- no rub in my face- that he asked her to move in with him; he bought a house and is renovating it for them; they are spending a week in a secluded condo on the South Carolina beach for the week; that he lives in the states, but he still calls her every night, if only for a minute, just to say good night; they went ring shopping.

Yes I can sense that the time is near when I'll be getting countless wedding invitations in the mail, all saying Kelly +1. Next comes the baby showers, the house warming parties and the engagement parties. Yes, its getting to that time in life that every single girl despises.

How is it that all these girls- girls I'm not much different from- How is it that they found emotionally mature guys to sit them down and say, I want to build a life with you, one step at a time. How do you find somebody like that. I want stability, I want normalcy. My life hasn't been normal in years. I want repitition. I want a schedule.

Brittany went to a bonfire last night with the guy she has been dating for a couple months. All of his friends, and their girlfriends were there. They all knew her name and her story. All of them. Isn't this how it is suppose to be?

You like somebody- you spend time with that person- you like them more- you commit to them. Then aren't you suppose to tell your friends that you've met this amazing girl and that you really like her? Aren't you then suppose to go to your parents and tell them about this wonderful girl that has stolen your heart? Show her off as much as you can? Put her picture on your facebook profile so that you see her every day? Your msn profile? You should be proud of the person you are with, and you should want people to know- This is MY girl. It's so difficult giving your heart to somebody and they hide you.

It shouldn't come as a surprise to your closest friends, the ones you spend 80% of your free time with, that you've been seeing a girl for 5 months. It shouldn't come as a surprise to your parents that they find out that you are in love, 8 months after you first called her your girlfriend.

My friends got it right. I got it so so wrong. And look where it's put us. They are picking out floor tile at Home Depot, or laying on a beach holding hands... I'm sitting here alone, hoping you'll change your mind and say "screw the game." My hope is fruitless. I know you won't. You were too happy when I said stay home. How can I expect you to come here and enjoy yourself when I know your mind will be someplace else? Someplace not with me. What you don't understand is that, the one night a week I get with you, I replay every night before I go to sleep. Just so I forget that I'm alone. I've gotten so good at it that I can feel your arms around me sometimes.
The last thing I want for the rest of the week is to think about a disappointing night. So I sit here and wait. Wait for the next moment of your time that you give to me. Wait like a little puppy dog waits for her master to come home. Hopeful, staring at the door and patient.