I'm so angry. I can just feel it boiling up inside of me. Sometimes I let it get the best of me and let it all out. Unfortunately that is the only way I've been able to find to make myself feel better. I just don't know if he's for real. I always get sucked back into this little game he's playing because he promises it will be better, different, perfect. And that lasts about a week. I feel like the only time he's anywhere close to the man he claims he is, is when I find out something bad about him and he's on damage control.

Don't promise me you'll see me more when you cancel our date or don't make a date to begin with. Don't tell me you won't lie to me when you still do. Don't tell me you'll be open and honest with me when I have to pry information out of you. And don't tell me you're a good man when you know you aren't.

Just be honest about yourself. YOU'VE indicated you want to change, but what are you doing about it? Trusting other people to make you a better person? And for those three hours a week they have control over you... well what about the rest of the week when you have control of you? What do you do to make you a better man?

I'm not perfect, I'm far from it. But when I make a goal, I stick to it. It doesn't matter if I'll be in debt until I'm 30 trying to pay off these student loans. I still went to school. I made a goal to make my own lunch every day this week and I did it. Even if I had to get out of bed early to do so. You make sacrifices in your life to make yourself better. I don't see you making any sacrifices at all. I'm frustrated with you because I don't understand how your brain works and you refuse to tell me how you think. You hide things in and just expect us to get closer when you're the one creating the boundaries.

Don't ask me to be friends with your friends if you don't let us hang out together. Don't tell me to apologize to your parents if you won't let me e-mail them and you tell me to go hide when they come to your house. You are asking me to do possible things, then making them impossible to complete.

You are throwing up roadblocks and expecting me to jump around them. But I'm not the one who fucked up. I'm not the one who came back to you and said, give me another shot. I'm the one who said, I don't think you are up to it. You're the one who said, let me prove it to you. What are you proving to me? I gave you one more shot. What are you going to do with this chance?