Spring Depression, Summer Love.

As the weather gets warmer, and the sun is out for longer, love seems to blossom. Skirt hems are getting shorter, boots are replaced by flip flops and sandals, and long sleeves are traded for tank or halter tops. Yes spring is in the air.

I know too well the effects of spring. It seems like as the snow melts, the beautiful men come out to play. Sooner than you can say "Party!!!" all of your single friends has started to engage in their summer fling. As much as I love to see my friends happy, your old relationship will never be the same. I hope that this summer I will, too, find a fling or a steady love interest to share the sun with. As I mature, I am forced to confront many of my past issues, and I am proud to say that I have conquered most or all of my issues pertaining to guys. As many of you know, I've been burned badly in the relationship department, but those wounds have healed. This summer is all about reinventing me. This will be a summer of firsts. The first time I won't be going home, the first time I won't be playing ball in Barrie, and the first time I don't have a boy waiting for me. I've come to the realization that it's going to be different. I've become a little bit depressed lately, only because I feel so alone here now. I just can't help but feel a little bit rejected. Every time I went home for longer than a weekend, I would always end up in tears because my brothers would say something hurtful and I would feel like I don't belong. I've outgrown Barrie. I have no real friends there anymore; we've all fallen apart as soon as school starts. All that is left there is my old high school crushes who want to get in my pants now, but couldn't give me the time of day 3 years ago.

This is the reason why I tried to find a job in Waterloo opposed to Barrie for the summer. I just don't belong there, and there is no point in pushing it. Aside from family life, school work has basically made me an outcast. For the past month I have not been able to go out and have a good time because in the back of my mind, I keep thinking about all the work I have to do. The nights when I get really drunk, I have turned angry, which has never happened before. I don't like it. So when I do go out, I don't get drunk and that makes the night even worse. I think my friends have picked up on this and have just stopped inviting me out, at least for the past 2 weeks this has been the case. I'm lonely, I've never felt this way before, and I am lonely.

I need to get out of this old house, I need to get out into the sunshine, and I need to get to the gym more and I need to finish this year off. Once this year is over, a huge weight will be lifted.

Now if only I could figure out a way to get my family to call me back...