My Loneliness is Killing me.

Why is it that as soon as the snow falls everybody becomes more reserved, quiet even depressed? I've always wondered this, snowfall for me has always symbolized Christmas, which is happiness and joy. But as I think about it, snow is related to Christmas and New Years Eve, but December and January remind me of snow, ice, darkness, loneliness...
Recently, I've been reminded by my lovely roommates just how lonely I am. For about a week we were all happily single. That week has come and gone and for the most part, everybody has paired up again. Em has that constant blog-flirt with Luis, Ryan has got Trish, and Leigh is back with Jay... And I'm suck here with my memories of what has been. My first Love...

I remember how you used to hold me; how you used to tell me I can do anything I put my mind to. I remember how I trusted you with my deepest secrets and fears and somehow you managed to make them go away. I remember how great we were, and I remember our first date. We went to Jack Astors and we talked the whole time. You held my hand even though the waiter made fun of us. I was cleaning out my room the other day and I came across that note you wrote me on the paper. M + K = TLA... I will never forget that night. I remember that we went to the movies afterwards, but I don't remember what we saw. I just remember being with you.

I remember the first time we kissed. We were at Wonderland in the laser quest. It was a Hollywood kiss. You cornered me away from everybody and you grabbed me and kissed me... then I shot you. What you don't know is that I had to grab onto the wall to stop from falling because you made my knees go weak.

I hate how we live so far apart, and I hate how we can't talk to each other because if we do it will only remind us of how much we miss each other. I hate how I only see you once every 2 years. I hate how I can't stop thinking about you, and I hate that I see your face everywhere. I hate how you're with her when you should be with me. I hate that you will probably never read this, and that you probably will never know how I really feel.

I love that you've seen me grow up and you still love me. I love how even though we don't see each other often, anytime we hug I can feel the magic and it always feels like the first time. I love the intense sexual attraction we have, and I love how I can never stop smiling when I'm around you. I love how great we were... we are.

Don't forget about me, don't give up on me. I wasn't ready then, but I'm ready now. Don't tell me it will never work, but I know it can. Don't give up on me now...