Just put it out there.

Soul searching sucks. It requires alot of time and energy, and often all your left with is the memories of the past and the many "what if"'s. My last post, about my old friends, had a waterfall effect. And old friend that I had mentioned sent me an e-mail to tell me that she thinks about me often. And you know what, I think about her alot. Our friendship just kind of stopped one night because of one event, and due to legal issues I was advised not to contact her. And no, it's not what your all thinking, I'm a good girl. I admire her for writing to me, because I know that it probably wasn't easy for her.

This brings me to my insparation for this blog. Why is it so hard to just put things out, to tell people what your thinking or what your feeling? Pain, rejection, fear... the list could go on. I don't have a problem telling somebody I think they are a good friend, or that they look good if they do. What I do have a problem with is telling somebody they look bad, or that I don't think they are a very nice person, or that I like you or that I miss you...

What do you do if you think that you've met the person you want to marry, but somebody is in the way? Do you just step back and hope and pray that this person will soon realize this as well, and risk the chance of fading into the background? Or do you just put it out there, I like you. What if the timing is off? What if, what if, what if...

How about an old friend who has changed for the worst? How are you suppose to deal with that? Do you pretend that things are how they used to be, or do you tell them that you don't like who they have become and move on? What if it was somebody you were really close to? What if it was just an acquaintence you come across and have a coffee with?

See, all of these situations have happened to me in the past, and I didn't know how to deal. I always try to protect myself, to shade myself away from being hurt. I've put myself out there a couple times and ended up with my heart broken. Will these experiences make me a stronger person, or a more closed person? Will I continue to take the backseat and let events play out, or will I go for what I want? I have heard that the only way to get what you want, is to take it!

This whole blogging experience is very similar to Dumbledore's memory pool... and those True Harry Potter fans know what I'm talking about. So let me just put it out there, I like you, I don't like you, I think you look fat, I think you look fabolous, I miss how great we were, I miss how you touched me, I miss our connection, your an amazing friend, I think your a freak. You decide who I'm talking about, because after this whole blog, I'm still not ready to just put it out there, yet.