The heavy feeling in my chest hasn't left. I thought that if I forgot about you for a little while, it would get better. But as I lay still in my bed at night, I feel like I am being crushed. I can't breath, I can't sleep, and I can't stop crying.

You know what you've done to me. And I know you are sorry. I know you didn't want to hurt me and I know you still care for me. That is why it makes it so hard to not be with you.

Everybody says you are an asshole until I explain the situation. Every time without fail I get the "ohhh" face and the pouty look that says, you found a nice guy, and you let him get away.

I feel like I did something to push you away, when in fact, I have been pushing you away for the past 2 years. The past couple months I have realized that if I lost you, it would be the worst thing to happen to me. I started to pay attention to you, to try to show you I care. But it was thrown back into my face. You let yourself go, right when I was in too deep.

I don't know what to do, I don't know how to feel. My stomach turns when I think of you. I just wish you would show up and say that you made a mistake. Then give me a hug and pick me up and tell me I'm the one. I dream about that moment. This is unhealthy.

I just wish, for once, that my dreams would come true.