Family Matters

This past weekend was a complete let down for me. I had gone into it with high expectations and they were all shot down. Every year, this weekend means more and more to me. This year was different. My family is very important to me. Not only my immediate family, but my extended family as well. This past weekend was the "Annual Kelly Family Christmas" in Ajax. My family is quite large, and the cousins, throughout the years, have subdivided into groups. The group I belonged in consisted of 4 males and me, the youngest. In the past couple years our little group has adjusted to include any of the older cousins who chose to come to these events and their wives or girlfriends. And with the event of a birth last year, we included baby Samantha as well. At any occasion, one of the guys would bring a girl along to meet the family, but it would only be one at a time. When I arrived at my Uncle Mikes house on Saturday, I was hugged and kissed like crazy by all my aunts and uncles. None of my cousins were in sight. I looked across the kitchen table and 3 girls, one whom I recognized, were sitting there staring at me and whispering with the occasional giggle. After I made my way through the mounds of relatives, I asked my mom who those girls were. Since she had been there for a couple hours before I arrived, she had already got the info on the girls. She pointed at each one and told me their names and who they belonged to.

I went downstairs to find the boys and saw that they were all sitting around a poker table playing a game. I guess they were too involved with their game to stand up and give me a hug, but they all waved. I sat there for hours, not saying anything. The girls came downstairs obviously drunk and the boys immediately got up from the table and went to see them or started up a conversation with them. I guess because I'm not fucking them, I'm not as important. Or perhaps they know that I'll always be around. But this hurt me, a lot.

I guess the girls had been introduced the night before and had spent the night drinking together, so they had formed a bond. So when I came, they had no interest in getting to know me. As hard as I tried to start a conversation, they would just shrug me off. I'm sure they are great people, I mean, the guys are amazing people so it's only natural that they are attached to good people. I just don't see it, yet.

That night as I was getting ready to go to our hotel room with my mom and brothers, three of them came up to me within 10 minutes of each other and told me that they were driving back later if I wanted to stay. That was the most conversation I had gotten out of them in 9 hours. I, of course, declined. I realized that if I stayed, this night would only get worse the drunker I got.

The next day, after breakfast, we were packing up to leave. It's customary that everybody stands at the door saying goodbye and those who are leaving make the rounds. This ensures that nobody is missed. It had not occurred to me before that I would have to hug these girls in front of everybody, I couldn't hide from it. So I did, and it was awkward, but it's over now.

The one cousin whom I was closest with, I was the most disappointed in. His girlfriend is the one I despise the most. The only interaction I've had with her was her pushing herself into my business and trying to tell me how to run my life. Unfortunately I'm not easily persuaded. I somehow got out of giving her a hug, and resorted to a Goodbye wave.

This weekend just reminded me that I didn't have anybody special enough in my life to bring to the family gathering. I suppose that could be another reason why I was so thrown off. I didn't realize I would be the only one in my group without a significant other. Why is it that all of them had somebody else? Why don't I have that? I judge my dates based on if I would feel comfortable bringing them to meet my Aunts and Uncles. Why have all of them found that person, but I'm still looking?

I know I'm bitter. But I've grown accustom to certain traditions at these functions, and every single one of them was thrown off. Needless to say, I'm not happy. We'll just see what the future holds; see who sticks around and who doesn't.