Its been 10 days since my last post. Who knew so much could change in 10 days.

I'm sitting here watching Keeping up with the Kardashian's and I'm in tears. Everything seems to get to me lately and I just can't control my emotions anymore. Tonight's episode was Khloe's wedding. Her father passed away when she was young and a major theme of the wedding was honouring her late father. A lot of the speeches revolved around "if Dad was here..." type of thing. Well I can't help but think that my wedding will be the same.

Not because my Dad has died, but because my Dad wants to be demoted to simply a sperm doner. He does not want to know about my life, he wants no details. He doesn't want to see me, nor does he want to even hear about me. So, I was forced to move out of his house a week early, which caused me to move with little help. Five days later and I'm still not unpacked.

It's a difficult thing to go through life having things one way and believing that somebody will be there for you always, and then one day to have them say, I want nothing to do with you. I'm sure this is similar to what women feel when they get divorced. It's like a rug has been pulled out from under my feet and I just have no direction anymore.
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I'm so frustrated with him. He broke plans for a phone conversation so he could hang out, smoke weed and play video games with his friends that he sees every day. I walked to Canadian Tire and back, in the dark, so that I could get a phone to call him on. I got this great phone plan that allows for so many long distance minutes a month that is more than half of what I pay for a similar plan on my cell phone.

I get home, charge the phone up enough to make a call and I get "Hey (cough cough cough) whats up? Just chillin with Dan and Christy (cough cough), ya, (silence....) ya, ok Kelly, bye.

Great conversation. I'm SO GLAD I walked in the dark to Canadian Tire for a 2 minute conversation with somebody who can't even put down the blunt.

Then I get, "Let me call you when they leave shortly". That was at 9:04. It 11:51 and I'm still waiting for that phone call.

Actions speak louder than words- and yours are screaming at me.

You know, I have given you a second, third, fourth and fifth chance. And this time you promised that you would do me right. You promised that you'd be that guy for me. Whatever it took to get me back. You said you realized what you lost and you don't want to lose it ever again. Well... what happened to that????

That lasted a total of 3 weeks. Right now, you're showing me every reason why I made a mistake in taking you back. If you can't be that man, then leave me the fuck alone. I made it so very clear to you that these are my expectations. I asked you one by one if you are able to deliver on those expectations. Your answer was yes. But talk is cheap! You're not delivering on anything!

If I can't depend on you for a simple phone call, how am I supposed to depend on you for anything at all?

I'm realizing what is important in my life. My health, a roof over my head, my career, my dog and my happiness. If you're not making me happy, then why are you in my life? If you are intentionally upsetting me, it's time to move on.

If you can't keep a phone date, something is majorly wrong.