How did I get caught in the middle of this? This he said-she said bullshit.
I seriously thought highschool ended 4 years ago. We're adults here. Who does this?

If everybody just minded their own business, life would be so much more simple.

Friends don't put stories in other friends head's. And friends don't create drama.

This is breaking my heart, the way it's going down. My reputation is being screwed with because of a 'friends' thoughts. You know, I can't change your mind.. but please keep your oppinions to yourself. I was just trying to be a good friend. I guess I learned my lesson.

I'm over you.

There, I said it. I'm over you. The fairy tale is over.
I used to sit here and think that you are the biggest ass hole. But secretly know, that if you came crawling back to me, I would take you back in an instant.

But now, I'm strong. I don't need that crap.
A lady deserves to be treated with respect. You didn't show me that respect. I let you choose what you wanted, but I never got what I want. No more. You came into my life for a 2nd time, but you won't a 3rd time.

I've learned my lesson. It's time to move on. I'm SO over you!

POST SECRET!!

What a week! The hilight of my week- maybe even my month was visiting Emmy in Toronto and going to the Post Secret exhibit. Now if anybody dosn't know what Post Secret is, I encourage you to visit the website. www.postsecret.blogspot.com

Trust me, it will be worth the visit!

I have been following Post Secret for a long time now. I have all of their books with the exception of one. I have introduced all of my friends to the project and even my family. I bought the Post Secret book for my family and I strategically placed it in a place where I know everybody would visit and read. My Mom raves about the project and had left 3 messages on my phone asking about the exhibit.

Frank, the creator of Post Secret visited Toronto to talk about the project. It was so inspiring. I left the talk feeling so emotional, inspired and happy. The talk was held at OCAD- which is THE COOLEST building I have ever seen! It's like a giant black and white checkered box on stilts. I posted a picture, but it dosn't justify the building at all.

Frank talked about how the project got started, showed some secrets that couldn't be posted online or in the books due to legal issues and shared a very special secret of his own. He was so down to earth and seemed to understand exactly the impact that his project has had on society. While listening to Frank speak and seeing some of these secrets, I found some inner secrets that I have never thought about.

I would love to just sit down with him for an hour over a coffee and pick his brain. Just to find out his oppinions on issues he has been confronted with through Post Secret.

I could sit here and talk about how fantastic the show was, but you will never really understand the magnitude of it. I suppose it was one of those "you have to be there" moments. Emily will probably be the only person to completly understand what I'm talking about. So I encourage you to visit the web site and see what the world is talking about.

The empty space beside me reminds me of what I'm missing.
The blinking red light on my phone tells me that you called.
Everything seems too perfect which is why I'm scared.

Perfection has never existed in my world. Forgive me if I'm scared.
Reassure me that you are there for me.
I might slip and fall, but I need to know that you'll be there to pick me up.
I'm done with games. I need something real. Are you real?

Tell me what I need to hear or leave me alone. I have no patience for the indecisiveness.

I'm a bad person.
I've been neglecting my blogs like the plague. I guess it's because I feel like I have nothing important to say or to contribute to this world. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and a lot of soul searching and I've finally come to the conclusion that I'm going to be okay.
There was a time there where I did think I was going to make it. Its over now, I know I'll be okay.

These past couple months have been so weird, akward, and confusing. 3rd year ended, I failed my first course ever, all of my roommates moved out- with the exception of one who is only around until September- new roommates moved in, I didn't get my dream job for the summer, I started a new job and I moved rooms. If thats not enough to push somebody to their breaking point- I don't know what is. I spent a month at home and I was miserable.

But here comes the sunshine. My break down resulted in a new found respect from my parents, an increase in my bank account, the opportunity to visit my cottage for a weekend and a solid sense of self.

Friendships seem to be strengthening and weakening at the same time. I've realized that you don't have to spend every second with somebody in order for them to be your best friend. But you do need to make an effort. I've realized that if somebody stops trying to be your friend, then maybe it's a good thing. The less stress and the less drama in my life, the better off my emotions will be.

And the saying is true. As soon as you let something go, it always comes back to you.

"What Hurts The Most"

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been

And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to

-Rascal Flatts

The heavy feeling in my chest hasn't left. I thought that if I forgot about you for a little while, it would get better. But as I lay still in my bed at night, I feel like I am being crushed. I can't breath, I can't sleep, and I can't stop crying.

You know what you've done to me. And I know you are sorry. I know you didn't want to hurt me and I know you still care for me. That is why it makes it so hard to not be with you.

Everybody says you are an asshole until I explain the situation. Every time without fail I get the "ohhh" face and the pouty look that says, you found a nice guy, and you let him get away.

I feel like I did something to push you away, when in fact, I have been pushing you away for the past 2 years. The past couple months I have realized that if I lost you, it would be the worst thing to happen to me. I started to pay attention to you, to try to show you I care. But it was thrown back into my face. You let yourself go, right when I was in too deep.

I don't know what to do, I don't know how to feel. My stomach turns when I think of you. I just wish you would show up and say that you made a mistake. Then give me a hug and pick me up and tell me I'm the one. I dream about that moment. This is unhealthy.

I just wish, for once, that my dreams would come true.