There are so many thoughts and emotions going through my head that it would be impossible for me to get them all out. So I am bringing back the bulleted blog.

• Sometimes people aren't who you expected them to be. Sometimes they can be better!
• I got lost for a little bit. But I'm back on track, and very thankful for that.
• Hitting another girl was the most satisfying thing I have done in a very long time.
• Music is my passion.
• I will do anything for my parents acceptance and love. I constantly feel like I need to out-do myself.
• You have NO idea how inconvienent it is to have a broken/jammed finger. It governs your entire day.
• You surprised me with your answer. What I thought was a healing session turned into a personal attack. I admitted my mistakes, and you threw it in my face. I just needed you to say that it was okay.
• It is possible to love somebody for years, and not even know it.
• I finally have a reason to smile.
• Sex and the City covers every topic! I can completly relate to every episode.
• I see you in my dreams, you speak to me, you comfort me, and I have no idea who you are.
• My ex boyfriend just got engaged to the girl he cheated on me with. If that isn't a reality check, I don't know what is!
• It's impossible to know where you are going if you don't know where you've been.
• My Dad will always be my hero.
• 'What-ifs' ruin lives
• You frusterate me so much. You tell me you want me, you feed me lines about how you wouldn't talk to me if you weren't interested, but I haven't seen you in over a month... and we live down the street from eachother.
• That smile makes me turn to Jello every time.
• I'm reconnecting with old friends, and I am the happiest I have been in years.
• Football is probably the best sport in the entire world.
• I really shouldn't talk to you. You are happy, in a relationship and she's expecting your child. I don't like being the woman you think about. We're just friends, but I know you want more.
• If I close my eyes, I can still feel your hand in mine.
• I got my nipple pierced, and I am so happy with how it looks. And the shock on people's faces when they find out makes my night.
• I've become a small WLUSU celebrity.
• Hearing my brother say that I have great friends, validates to me that I actually do.
• I can't make a decision about this summer. My heart and my Brain are pulling me in opposite directions.
• I will ALWAYS find something to procrastinate, even sleeping.
• I may have figured out what I want to do with my life. And I may have found out how I'm going to get started.
• You make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
• I signed a lease tonight with my new roommates. I'm excited, but it's not going to be the same.
• You made my night.. and you probably don't even know it.
• I've given up on you. You are just one person who I'll never figure out.
• Two of my cousins are getting married and two of my friends are getting married in the next year.. and I'm struggling to find a date to go to these weddings.
• I have never wanted to be with you more than I do right now.

I don't know where to start.
I've fallen into a deep hole and I don't know how to get out. Nobody has notice that I've been slipping, and most importantly, nobody seems to care.
Emotions are hard to rationalize, because emotions are not always rational.
School has started up again, and when I look up at my calendar I see a jumbled mess of blue, green, red and black writing signifying my many commitments. I feel tied down. I feel like I am being held here against my own will. I need to get out. I feel trapped in my room. I only leave when I need to. My roommates have been turning their backs on me and shutting doors in my face. It's hard to feel welcome in such a cold place. They have no idea about my thoughts or emotions. But it's not their fault. They are so absorbed in their own life and making decisions about their future. It's okay. I put on a good front.
I guess I feel like I'm going to be left behind. Maybe I'm looking too deep into some actions. My biggest fear is that they are going to leave and never look back. That as soon as this semester is over, I'm going to lose great friends because of the future. Damn future.

I want to go home, but when I'm home, I don't want to be there. It's a double edged sword. It's the only place I feel welcome, but the only place I can't be myself. I don't think I have a reason to cry. I'm privileged. I don't pay for my education, I don't pay for rent. I have an opportunity to do something great with my life; an opportunity people are killing for. But what is my goal? To tell you the truth, I don't have one. Some people look at my life and don't understand why I feel the way I do. My parents are amazing, they are so accommodating and our house is full of love. They would go to the end of the earth and back for me- as long as it doesn’t interfere with my brothers. It's hard to explain. I'm the oldest of 3. They have always put more pressure on me to be the best, be a good example for the boys and be independent. As soon as I left home, that was it. They started cutting ties, and I'm just not ready yet. I need to slow down.

The future is coming so fast. Everything I have been dreaming about and working towards is suddenly at my feet. I might make a wrong decision. What if I do? What happens then?

It's unnerving to see some people taking the right steps forward. People are making plans for the future together. A future life, marriage, babies, the whole nine yards. Why did these people find each other, while some of us are still swimming in the dating pool? Why has there been nobody who I could have a life with yet? How do you know if you've met the right person? How do you know if you've met the wrong person? How do you know anything? What if I never find my fish?

My life is like a puzzle. All of the pieces fit together so nicely, but it will never look complete unless everything is in its rightful place. I can bang and move pieces around to try to make them fit, but it just won't work if that piece belongs to another puzzle. I just need to find all the pieces.