I've changed.
I'm not afraid to admit it. I look the same, maybe a little bit older. I don't feel the same. I've accepted things about myself that I would have fought a year ago. I don't want to say I've grown up, but I'm well on my way. I'm facing my last semester of University. I've planed for my whole life, except for what happens next. I knew that after elementary school came high school. After high school came university, and I know after I graduate the pressure will be on to do something great- I just don't know what is great yet. I know that after this stage I will want to get married, buy a house, a dog and eventually have children. But it's this stage of in-between that I'm facing and am unsure of how to approach it. My options are endless. I want to travel. I want to get out and "find myself" or just find direction. Should I go teach overseas? Can I really be away from my family and friends for a full year? It breaks my heart to be 2 hours away; I wonder what it will feel like to be a day away. I guess I'll never know unless I try!

Friends have drifted and come closer, as with everything in life. I've slowly discovered who my true friends are, not just friends of convenience. I think the real test is if I actually really care what they are up to now. Some people, I don't really care, other's I'm sitting at the edge of my seat with anticipation.

I've decided that I'm too busy for a relationship. But I've also decided that I'm 100% for equal rights... so if a guy can do it, so can I. Some people may disagree with my actions, but frankly, I don't care. I'm too busy to care. I'm happy, I'm safe and I'm satisfied. And to me, that’s all that matters.

I've pushed myself past my limits, and I'm a better person. I've had heartbreaks and set backs, but I don't regret anything. I'm taking on more responsibility than is necessary, but what doesn’t kill me will only make me stronger... I just hope it doesn’t kill me.

"Tears Dry On Their Own"

All I can ever be to you,
Is a darkness that we knew,
And this regret I had to get accustomed to,
Once it was so right,
When we were at our high,
Waiting for you in the hotel at night,
I knew I hadn't met my match,
But every moment we could snatch,
I don't know why I got so attached,
It's my responsibility, And you don't owe nothing to me,
But to walk away I have no capacity

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in this grey, in this blue shade
My tears dry on their own,

I don't understand,
Why do I stress A man,
When there's so many better things at hand,
We could a never had it all,
We had to hit a wall,
So this is inevitable withdrawal,

Even if I stop wanting you,
A Perspective pushes thru,
I'll be some next man's other woman soon,
I shouldn't play myself again,
I should just be my own best friend,
Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men,

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And it's OK, In this blue shade,
My tears dry on their own,

So we are history,
YOUR shadow covers me
The sky above,
A blaze only that lovers see

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And it's OK,
In this blue shade
My tears dry on their own,

I wish I could SAY no regrets,
And no emotional debts,
And as we kiss goodbye the sun sets,
So we are history,
The shadow covers me,
The sky above a blaze that only lovers see,

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And it's OK,
In this blue Shade,
My tears dry on their own

Amy Winehouse

I'm drowning in myself. I've taken on the impossible task of balancing three part time jobs, attempting to complete a full year course in 3 months and to find some time for myself. Something has to give. And lately it's been myself. Money has taken over everything. I'm going to change that.

I got a promotion which will allow me to drop down to two jobs. I'm fed up with the 2nd job and I think my time there is quickly running out.

I'm not upset, I'm not busy, just overwhelmed. I feel like there is no stopping. I'm constantly running around in circles. I need to break away and concentrate on something other than customer serivce. I need a place where I can be rude and unfriendly if I want to be.

I'm craving my cottage. I've been up once this year. I need to be near the beach and the sun and the heat. I can't stand being pent up inside of a huge concrete box with unforgiving lighting and the constant flow of customers.

I'm complaining a lot, but I'm making changes to my life. And this time next week, hopefully I'll be stress free and laying on the beach. Hopefully.

How did I get caught in the middle of this? This he said-she said bullshit.
I seriously thought highschool ended 4 years ago. We're adults here. Who does this?

If everybody just minded their own business, life would be so much more simple.

Friends don't put stories in other friends head's. And friends don't create drama.

This is breaking my heart, the way it's going down. My reputation is being screwed with because of a 'friends' thoughts. You know, I can't change your mind.. but please keep your oppinions to yourself. I was just trying to be a good friend. I guess I learned my lesson.

I'm over you.

There, I said it. I'm over you. The fairy tale is over.
I used to sit here and think that you are the biggest ass hole. But secretly know, that if you came crawling back to me, I would take you back in an instant.

But now, I'm strong. I don't need that crap.
A lady deserves to be treated with respect. You didn't show me that respect. I let you choose what you wanted, but I never got what I want. No more. You came into my life for a 2nd time, but you won't a 3rd time.

I've learned my lesson. It's time to move on. I'm SO over you!

POST SECRET!!

What a week! The hilight of my week- maybe even my month was visiting Emmy in Toronto and going to the Post Secret exhibit. Now if anybody dosn't know what Post Secret is, I encourage you to visit the website. www.postsecret.blogspot.com

Trust me, it will be worth the visit!

I have been following Post Secret for a long time now. I have all of their books with the exception of one. I have introduced all of my friends to the project and even my family. I bought the Post Secret book for my family and I strategically placed it in a place where I know everybody would visit and read. My Mom raves about the project and had left 3 messages on my phone asking about the exhibit.

Frank, the creator of Post Secret visited Toronto to talk about the project. It was so inspiring. I left the talk feeling so emotional, inspired and happy. The talk was held at OCAD- which is THE COOLEST building I have ever seen! It's like a giant black and white checkered box on stilts. I posted a picture, but it dosn't justify the building at all.

Frank talked about how the project got started, showed some secrets that couldn't be posted online or in the books due to legal issues and shared a very special secret of his own. He was so down to earth and seemed to understand exactly the impact that his project has had on society. While listening to Frank speak and seeing some of these secrets, I found some inner secrets that I have never thought about.

I would love to just sit down with him for an hour over a coffee and pick his brain. Just to find out his oppinions on issues he has been confronted with through Post Secret.

I could sit here and talk about how fantastic the show was, but you will never really understand the magnitude of it. I suppose it was one of those "you have to be there" moments. Emily will probably be the only person to completly understand what I'm talking about. So I encourage you to visit the web site and see what the world is talking about.

The empty space beside me reminds me of what I'm missing.
The blinking red light on my phone tells me that you called.
Everything seems too perfect which is why I'm scared.

Perfection has never existed in my world. Forgive me if I'm scared.
Reassure me that you are there for me.
I might slip and fall, but I need to know that you'll be there to pick me up.
I'm done with games. I need something real. Are you real?

Tell me what I need to hear or leave me alone. I have no patience for the indecisiveness.